High School Reunion

I want to put a tomb stone — so to speak (sorry about that) — on the nasty rumor that our high school’s ten-year “mega reunion” will cause a hotel room shortage. Plans are afoot to inflate a dome over abandoned Tonkin Football Stadium, with a truck load of Army surplus cots all should be just comfy, weather permitting. Of course, there will be a shuttle running to the prison farm outside of town for wishing to stay there. Prison officials have announced their own reunion event. Riverton will not have a Mega Reunion hotel – motel room gap,” Mega Reunion officials insist. “We got it under control.” Hoards of RHS alumni 1960 – 1970 (and uninvited VIP guests) 1942 – 1956 are expected to descend on our central Wyoming City for the Mega School Reunion according to suspicious news reports. Law enforcement officials issued warnings of a “Grey Dawn” invasion of maroon and white as thousands of former Wolverine senior citizens return to their roots. AARP announced that all reports of elder abuse during the week will be rigorously investigated. The use of loaded weapons will not be authorized police announced. Local authorities threatened to stop the expected large influx of RHS alumni mega reunion senior citizens by cutting off basic food supplies, A & W root beer and pin wheels. Traffic jams resulting from enthusiastic cruisers will be controlled with road blocks. Armed patrols may be needed to restore order. City officials also announced that the sound of sirens will not signal an actual 1960s Soviet attack, but rather a regularly scheduled genuine reenactment imitation 1960s civil defense warning, a cornerstone of the RHS Mega Reunion duck and cover theme. A do you remember when event. Citizens should be prepared. Retired civil defense officials, all wishing to remain anonymous, warn that the creaking and clanking sounds expected in the early grey dawn mega reunion hours will not be actual 1960s era Soviet tanks, but rather approaching swarms of wheelchairs and walkers, eager 1960 – 1970 alums. Temporary housing shortages are expected. Rent control will be in effect. Hotel and motel room price gouging will be prosecuted, tourist officials insisted. “In the event of a genuine housing shortage emergency, we have plans to truck in surplus “Man Camp” dormitories from North Dakota oil fields. Initial temporary supplemental tent housing will be erected on Tonkin field. Critical emergency supplies of A & W Root beer and pin wheels are stock piled in former bomb shelter locations. Hoarding of Betty’s pizza has been outlawed. Law and order will be strictly enforced by a supplemental call-up of former and retired City police officers and Highway Patrolmen. “Dragging main will be strictly controlled.” Wheel chair drag races on 8 mile road are rumored. “We will not allow our town to become another Sturgis warned local church officials. Wheel chair races will not be allowed on Main Street Hill. Las Vegas mogul Steve Wynn denied rumors that a new casino hotel complex will be constructed on his 400 acre Wind River site just in time for the RHS Mega Reunion event. “It is to be our 150,000 sq. ft. family summer home,” Wynn insisted. Casino representatives also deny that a moth-balled Israeli aircraft carrier will be converted to a floating hotel casino on Boysen lake in time for mega reunion week. Runs on “Wally The Wolverine” and cheerleading costumes has been reported. Women and children will be ordered to stay off the streets. An ancient football controversy will be settled. Riverton and Lander agree to resume the 1964 football game football called on account of blizzard. Former gridiron heroes are training to replay the game that ended in a tie in 1964. (RHS was undefeated going into that game.) The kicker for Lander went on to become Sheriff was the first elected to First Team All State that year, along with RHS greats Everett Befus and Roger “Chip” Campbell. Chamber of Commerce announced dramatic reunion sales tax revenue increases. The City budget will be balanced. July snow storms are expected. An investigation is expected into the idiots who changed the school colors. Informed officials again stated that “this is not a drill, but an actual mega reunion duck and cover event.” There will be no hotel – motel room gap,” the officials insist. Yours truly runs for governor.

Blogging in a Blizzard.

I have been getting a lot of cheerful blog requests to write about “Why I am Grateful This Holiday Season” and “How I Spent The Day After Thanksgiving” (e.g. working on your blog, writing your novel.)” And email continues to pour in about the Kennedy and Lincoln assassination secretes — revealed by carefully folding a twenty dollar bill. The twenty dollar bill origami conspiracy revelations make perfect sense to me. Rose Kennedy was the one who shot Lincoln.

I did get mail from potential pen pals on Match dot com, “Dear Gizmosdad letters”– I just hate it when women break up with me before I have had a fair chance to humiliate myself! The gratuitous slurs cast at my pals Gizmo the Shih Tzu and Riley the doxie and wannabe Antelope hunter — went way too far!

As a matter of fact I did spend the day after writing on my young adult novel. I figure “they” will appreciate the finer points of adult-inspired violence and sex. Writing for the one is pretty much like writing for the other. The problem for me comes in trying to use the words “hook up”, “dude,” “rad” and “like” in every other sentence.

My YA novel is a time travel science fiction story. A young couple from Colorado cross the state line into Wyoming and are immediately transported back in time 100 years. (I know, I know . . . it’s real life.) If my YA novel doesn’t sell the plan is to delete all references to “science” and “fiction” and resubmit to all Democrat and CBS/CNBC associated publishers. My chapter about the Wyoming legislature-authorized aircraft carrier on Flaming Gorge Reservoir in South West Wyo., patrolling in the event of national insurrection, is a sure-fire hit. Of course, the New Republic of Wyoming twenty dollar bills — printing as I write — will become quite handy.

(Please do not respond my blogs unless you have had plenty of sleep, and are in a good mood and/or after taking a couple of large pain pills.)